Excerpt

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“Your turn. What is Anando for you?”

My mouth opened and closed without a sound before I could find an answer.

“I’m still trying to figure that out,” I said in the end.

Right on cue, the song finished. Brett’s hands fell away from my waist, and mine from his shoulders.

“Good luck, then.”

With a last smile and a nod, he turned away and left the dance floor. I looked around for Anando. I was both glad and relieved to see that Lisa had left him as well and he was coming toward me. Another slow song started. I stepped in close to him, closer than I had been to Brett. I let out a small contented sigh when his arms wrapped around me. This was what I had come to the club for.

The song played then ended. A new one started, just as slow. I stayed right where I was. I felt good. My bad day was ebbing away, along with my fears and jealousy. All that was left was Anando.

He broke it all with just a few words.

“So, what did you think of Brett and Lisa?”

Out of nowhere, a thought jumped to the front of my mind. I remembered him, when we had last played in his house, bringing me off with vivid thoughts of being with two men. Then at the club, it had been about someone watching us and joining in. And now…now Lisa had approached me, brought the four of us together for a dance and a drink… I could see all too clearly where this was going, and for the first time I wasn’t interested in the ride.

“No.”

Anando pulled back and gave me a puzzled look. “What do you mean, no?”

I knew why he was taken aback. As much as I had tried to put limits on our relationship, I had never refused him until that moment. It was the right thing to do, though. I was convinced of it. True, his hints at having someone join us had intrigued me. They had been just words, though, and that third person had been too imprecise for me to consider it seriously. Now that I had a face to put on this potential lover, my reaction was visceral. I would do a lot to be with Anando, but not sleep with someone I wasn’t interested in.

“I won’t—” I couldn’t even manage to say it. “No,” I said again, taking a step back and breaking free of his embrace. “I’ll play but only so far.”

I was shaking, and I felt like my knees were going to fold beneath me. Anando’s wounded expression didn’t help anything. Biting the inside of my cheek, I made my way to the staircase and back to the first floor, clutching the safety rail the entire time the same way I clung to my resolve. I wanted Anando, only you know how much, my lady, but I was scared. Scared of him or of myself, of what he wanted me to do or what I would consent to if he insisted, I don’t know which.

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